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You must be either white trash, a redneck, or a resident of Arkansas, if...
Submitted By: Bill Clinton
Article Date: 06/24/2000
URL: http://www.goofball.com/jokes/regional/20000622102

  • Your yard has been proposed as a new landfill site.
  • Your wife's hair attracts bees.
  • Your kid's birth announcements include the phrase "rug rat."
  • Your mom's ever been arrested for poaching.
  • Your pocket knife has ever been referred to as "Exhibit A."
  • Your sister has a "Soldier of Fortune" subscription.
  • Your grandmother has ever been evicted from a bingo game for foul language.
  • Your Christmas tree has a deer stand in it.
  • You can belch most of the popular Christmas carols.
  • You get Odor Eaters for Christmas.
  • You've got "ammo" on Your Christmas list under the word "Mom."
  • You've ever used a carry-out as a mailing address.
  • You've ever stood in line more than 1 hour to get your picture taken with a freak of nature.
  • You've got a room temperature IQ.
  • You've got a trash bag as a passenger side window.
  • Your bank checks feature pictures of dogs fighting.
  • You've ever stabbed someone's hand while reaching for the last pork chop.
  • You've ever rolled Your riding lawn mower.
  • You've ever left Santa a beer and a Slim Jim.
  • Santa won't let your kids sit on his lap.
  • You think the "5 to 10 pounds" on the diaper box refers to how much the diaper will hold.
  • You ever asked the widow for her phone number at the funeral home.
  • You have a tattoo that says "Mother" and it's spelled wrong.