The following were taken from resumes and cover letters that were printed in the July 21, 1997 issue of Fortune magazine. The spelling is exactly the way it appeared in the magazine:
I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience.
Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year.
Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave.
Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions.
It's best for employers that I not work with people.
Let's meet, so you can 'ooh' and 'aah' over my experience.
You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time.
Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details.
Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No commitments.
I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse.
I am loyal to my employer at all costs... Please free to respond to my resume on my office voice mail.
I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one and absolutely nothing.
I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant.
As indicted, I have over five years of analyzing investments.
Personal interests: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far.
Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store.
Note: Please don't miscontrue my 14 jobs as 'job-hopping'. I have never quit a job.
Marital status: often. Children: various.
Reason for leaving last job: They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 am every morning. Could not work under those conditions.
The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous employers.
References: None. I've left a path of destruction behind me.
