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George W. Bush
 
"Then I went for a run with the other dog and just walked. And I started thinking about a lot of things. I was able to - I can't remember what it was. Oh, the inaugural speech, started thinking through that." -George W. Bush, in a pre-inaugural interview with U.S. News & World Report
 
 

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"He's the ugliest woman I have ever seen in my life."
— Shaquille O'Neal on Dennis Rodman.
 
 

Snapple Facts
 
#24 The state of maine has 62 lighthouses.
 
 

Yo Mama ...
 
... is so fat, "Place Your Ad Here" is printed on each of her butt cheeks!
 
 

One Liners
 
Q. What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
A. 45 lbs.
 
 


The Pearly Gates

By: sissyPublished: 05/07/1999
 
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A man died and went to heaven. Standing there at the Pearly Gates was St. Peter. He ushered the man into a waiting room that was full of clock-like structures. On some, the hands were still, others crept forward, still others were moving quickly. The man asked St. Peter," What are these clocks for?"

St. Peter replied, "There is one clock for each person alive on Earth. Each time that person tells a lie, the hands on his or her clock move. So honest people's clocks barely move."

Just then the man noticed one clock mounted on the ceiling. Its hands were flying around the dial. "Whose is that?" the man asked incredulously.

"Oh, that," replied Peter. "That belongs to President Bill Clinton. We use it as a ceiling fan."

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