Dear _______________,
I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from further contention as Ms. Right. As you are probably aware, the competition was exceedingly tough and dozens of well-qualified candidates such as yourself also failed to make the final cut.
I will, however, keep your name on file should an opening come available. So that you may find better success in your future sexual endeavors, please allow me to offer the following reason(s) you were disqualified from the competition:
(Check those that apply)
1. ___You think my last name is objectionable and you didn't want to change your name to it.
2. ___Your first name is objectionable. It's just not something I can picture myself yelling out during sex(even if i could remember it).
3. ___The fact that our first dining experience to date has left MY wallet a little lighter, and YOUR pants impossible to get into.
4. ___Your inadvertent admission that you "buy condoms by the truckload" indicates that you are nympho, however a safe nympho.
5. ___You failed the 20 Question Rule, i.e., you asked me 20 questions about myself before I even wanted you to know anything about me.
6. ___Your constant emailing, shows me that you are too clingy.
7. ___Your legs are fatter than mine. If you can FIT into my pants, well thats a turn off....ok sometimes it's kinky.
8. ___You're too short. Makes sex difficult....except for oral sex.
9. ___You're too tall. This makes 69's a little tough.
10. ___You don't fetch me beers.
11. ___I find your inability to fix my my dinner a nuisance.
12. ___The fact that your apartment is dirtier than mine reveals an inherent slovenliness that I fear is unbreakable.
13. ___The phrase "My Mother" has popped up far too often in conversation.
14. ___You still live with your parents.
15. ___Your frequent references to your ex-boyfriend lead me to suspect that you are some sort of psychotic stalker.
16. ___Your taking over of the remote control is a bit disconcerning.
17. ___Your height is out of proportion to your weight. If you should, however, happen to gain the necessary 17 vertical inches, please resubmit your application.
18. ___Somehow I doubt those condoms that I found in your purse were really necessary for a night out with the girls.
19. ___Your inability to try new sexual positions is making our sex life a little stale.
20. ___You are out of my league; set your sights higher next time.
Sincerely,
_________________________________
