Dear Santa,
I understand that one of my colleagues has petitioned you for changes in her contract, specifically asking or anatomical and career changes. In addition, it
is my understanding that disparaging remarks were made about me, my ability to please, and some of my fashion choices.
I would like to take this opportunity to inform you of some of issues concerning Ms. Barbie, and some of my own needs and desires.
First of all, I along with several other colleagues feel Barbie DOES NOT deserve preferential treatment - the bitch has everything. I, along with Joe, Jem, Raggedy Ann & Andy DO NOT have a dream house, corvette, evening gowns, and in some
cases, the ability to change our hair style.
I personally have only 3 outfits which I am forced to mix and match at great length. My decision to accessorize my outfits with an earring was my decision and reflects my lifestyle choice.
I too would like a change in career. Have you ever considered "Decorator Ken", "Beauty Salon Ken", or "Out of work Actor Ken" ? In addition, there are several other avenues which could be considered such as: "S & M Ken", "Green Lantern Ken" "Circuit Ken" "Bear
Ken" "Master Ken" These would more accurately reflect my desires and perhaps open up new markets. And as for Barbie needing bendable arms so she can "push me away," I need bendable knees so I can kick the bitch to the curb. Bendable knees would also be helpful for me in other situations - we've talked about this issue before.
In closing, I would like to point out that any further concessions to the blonde bimbo from hell will result in action being taken by myself and others. And Barbie can forget
about having Joe - he's mine. Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
Sincerely,
Ken
